Setbacks: Losing Yourself, Finding Your Way Back

Setbacks: Losing Control, Finding Strength

When I started this blog, I was emerging from the hardest year of my life. Moving away from home with no clear sense of when I’d see my family again proved to be more challenging than I ever imagined. The struggles of college—amplified by the uncertainty of COVID at its peak—created a constant fog, distorting my sense of self. I could catch glimpses of who I was and who I wanted to be, but I could never quite hold onto that image.

What made it hardest was the feeling of having no control. I couldn’t control the number of days I’d be confined to a 10' x 15' dorm room in quarantine. I couldn’t control whether my classes would be moved online, making it nearly impossible to meet people like a normal first-year student. I couldn’t control when I’d see my family—the people who had always grounded me.

So, as soon as basketball season ended, I went home, convinced that was where I could regain control. With all my classes online, staying on campus felt pointless. But once I was home, once I was able to slow down and look in a mirror no longer clouded by stress and isolation, I saw how much of myself I had lost.

I had always been someone who refused to let outside circumstances dictate my reactions or my confidence. Yet, in just six months, I had lost not only my confidence as a basketball player, but also as a person. No one had taken it from me—I had let it slip away. I had convinced myself that I had no control, when in reality, I had control over the most important thing: my mind.

The Illusion of Control

I’m not saying that anyone could go through 75+ days of quarantine, homesickness, and the struggles of college without having some rough days. But looking back, I now see that I had far more control than I ever realized. COVID and school mandates didn’t take it from me—I gave it away.

My freshman year was a setback. One that left me scrambling to rebuild my confidence and rediscover my joy. But in hindsight, I now see it as one of the most important seasons of my life. In a previous blog post,  I wrote about a quote from William Hughes:

"Remember, our past failures are not fatal. Realizing this allows us to move boldly into the future with both conviction and purpose. Being humbled by the fact that life could be worse, yet driven and motivated by the notion that it can still be better."

I clung to those words. Life had been worse, and I had the power to make it better. That year may have been a setback, but it taught me invaluable lessons—gratitude, resilience, and trust in the journey.

The Ongoing Battle with Setbacks

This blog isn’t called Setbacks to simply reflect on my past. The truth is, I still have setbacks. I still have days where I struggle to live by the very words I write here.

Recently, I realized I had regressed, slipping back into the habit of putting pressure on myself. I saw myself striving—once again—to prove my worth to myself instead of simply believing in it. I felt the weight of that mindset not only in my own self-perception but in my relationships, interactions, and energy. It was frustrating, even disheartening, to see myself fall into that cycle again.

But here’s the difference: this time, I knew there was a way out.

Because setbacks will happen. Growth is not a straight path—it’s filled with bumps, detours, and hurdles. The key is learning how to find your way back when you lose your footing.

For me, this blog has become my lifeline, a written reminder that I am capable of feeling free, confident, and at peace. My own words call me back to the person I know I am. And I am incredibly lucky to have people in my life who aren’t afraid to remind me when I need to get my mindset in check.

Finding Your Way Back

The process of staying on track looks different for everyone. Maybe writing helps you, like it helps me. Maybe it’s journaling, talking with a trusted friend, or simply taking a step back to reset. I can’t tell you the exact answer—no one can. But I can tell you this: whatever it takes, do it.

Life is too short to dwell on mistakes and setbacks. Learn from them, but don’t live in them. Forgive yourself, pick yourself up, and keep moving forward.

GOOD VIBES ONLYYYY,
Kenzie